Bowling Is Not A Sport

I have never been the best athlete around. That’s not to say I suck at everything. I think that I play a good goalkeeper and I can hold my own in basketball as long as you don’t mind that I can’t dribble, shoot, jump or that I’m only 5’9”. I do play some mean defense though.

This fact makes it weird to know that Jordan seems to think that I’m the great athlete ever. My brother Tony tries to disabuse Jordan of this belief whenever we all get together as much as he can.


Jordan and I watch football, baseball and some basketball when we have the time. He wants to know everything and asks millions of questions, all which I know the answer to naturally. Even the crazy eight year old questions. “Why do they get four downs to get a first down? How come it’s called a touchdown? Did he just make a homerun?”

So in my house, I’m the greatest and smartest athletic person in the world. Even sports video games are dominated by me. All of this makes the next part really, really hard to admit.

I lost to a five year old at bowling. Sure he had the bumpers up and I was dealing with the plague (one of those is a lie) but it still hurts. Holy crap it hurts. I want you all to know that Ben, the five year old, is an animal. In fact, he beat everybody except for Keith, his dad.


Of course the kids, Ben’s brother Conner and Jordan, were having way too much fun to notice anything and my sports reign is still alive in Jordan’s mind. The day he figures out the truth is going to suck. Might even feel as bad as losing to a five year old at, well anything.

Oh, in order to able to use the photo of Ben, his Mom Rachel made me write this:

I lost to Rachel too. She beat me by like a bazillion pins. It was terrible. She is the greatest bowler I have ever been around. I was blessed to be in her presents. Is that enough Rach?