So this happened to me today: I'm removing some fire alarm stuff for a remodel in a church and I’m working up in the attic. I needed to look behind an alcove to see where the wires were going, so I climbed up on to what I thought some framing and a shelf that was built to house the HVAC ducts. I took one step and turned on my flashlight.
That’s when I fell through the attic. One moment I was standing what I thought was plywood and the next I fell through what turned out to be really dirty and dusty sheetrock. Lucky for me, the HVAC ducts and the soffit were there to catch my fall. A fall that was only about three feet.
Now, those of you that know me really well would think that this kind of thing happens to me all the time but in truth, I have never fallen through an attic, ceiling or anything else of the kind. So it was a little scary.
Now, I’m not going to say how things totally slowed down Matrix style because they didn’t. It happened so fast I couldn’t even get a “oh shit” out. And I’m very quick with my swearing. It really was: I'm tall, now I'm in straddling this AC duct.
The best thing about all of this is that no one saw it. I was already filthy from working and I didn’t hurt myself and wasn't bleeding so nobody knows. I needed to change my underwear but no long term damage. Well, my pride maybe but that has taken so many hits it’s almost bulletproof.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Memorial Day 2011
I wrote this post a few years ago and wanted to bring it back because of Memorial Day and share some stuff about my Dad.
My dad was a Seabee during the Viet Nam war. It was his job to build the defenses and structures while still fighting the enemy.
He did two tours there and even though he was in the Navy, he didn’t spend any time on ships. He wore combat boots and fatigues. He carried a rifle and stomped in the same mud as any solder.
On his first tour, he was on Seabee Technical Assistance Team 0311. After that, the Navy was asking for volunteers for Team 0312 that was going to be stationed at Micronesia. No fighting this time but instead there would be scuba diving and a Boston Whaler.
After only four months of training, the Army’s 9th infantry division was sent home and Seabee Team 0312 was sent to help fill the gap. Navy=Never Again Volunteer Yourself.
Recently, he has been trying to get in touch with his teammates and is planning a reunion in June. One of his best friends who was on both Seabee teams was a guy called Doc. Doc had died 8 years ago and Dad has been corresponding with his wife Joyce.
Mostly he has written about the time spent in Asia. Doc, like most guys that served, didn’t talk much about that time with family. The letters touched on things from their six months of training to a time Doc took my Dad a trip to a village to help the sick and injured.
Dad as been sending me copies of the letters he has been writing to her. As I read these letters, it came crashing down on me that the time Dad was talking about, he was 15 years younger than I am now.
These letters opened a window to my dad and I am getting to see different side of him.
People have been asking me about my humor in my writing. So to bring this full circle, I want to end this post with an excerpt from a letter my Dad sent out to his teammates. It was a three page autobiography that started out like this:
"In May of 1945, Germany surrendered unconditionally to the Allies. Two months later, Jack Joe (my Dad) was born. The Japanese realizing with this birth their cause was unattainable also surrendered. (Thus) ending World War Two." It eerily sounds like something I would have written.
My dad was a Seabee during the Viet Nam war. It was his job to build the defenses and structures while still fighting the enemy.
He did two tours there and even though he was in the Navy, he didn’t spend any time on ships. He wore combat boots and fatigues. He carried a rifle and stomped in the same mud as any solder.
On his first tour, he was on Seabee Technical Assistance Team 0311. After that, the Navy was asking for volunteers for Team 0312 that was going to be stationed at Micronesia. No fighting this time but instead there would be scuba diving and a Boston Whaler.
After only four months of training, the Army’s 9th infantry division was sent home and Seabee Team 0312 was sent to help fill the gap. Navy=Never Again Volunteer Yourself.
Recently, he has been trying to get in touch with his teammates and is planning a reunion in June. One of his best friends who was on both Seabee teams was a guy called Doc. Doc had died 8 years ago and Dad has been corresponding with his wife Joyce.
Mostly he has written about the time spent in Asia. Doc, like most guys that served, didn’t talk much about that time with family. The letters touched on things from their six months of training to a time Doc took my Dad a trip to a village to help the sick and injured.
Dad as been sending me copies of the letters he has been writing to her. As I read these letters, it came crashing down on me that the time Dad was talking about, he was 15 years younger than I am now.
These letters opened a window to my dad and I am getting to see different side of him.
People have been asking me about my humor in my writing. So to bring this full circle, I want to end this post with an excerpt from a letter my Dad sent out to his teammates. It was a three page autobiography that started out like this:
"In May of 1945, Germany surrendered unconditionally to the Allies. Two months later, Jack Joe (my Dad) was born. The Japanese realizing with this birth their cause was unattainable also surrendered. (Thus) ending World War Two." It eerily sounds like something I would have written.
This is Seebee Team 0311. Dad is in the bottom row, second from the left.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
I Dont Have Too Much Confidence In Humanity
Wendy and I went to Pike Place Market and we saw some things that make me believe that the human race is going to end up like the dinosaurs.
I know that if there are six billion of anything, some of those things are going to suck, some will be awesome and the majority will be bland. Yet, a rare few can rise to the top and stand out even among the normal stupid human behavior. Here a few things that we saw.
If you are going to buy something and take a good ten minutes to pay because you are counting out change from a ziplock bag, you had better be a kid. If you happen to be a older lady doing this, you are pissing off the world. The coin counting machines are frakking awesome, give them a try. Also, if you are counting out a mountain of change, for the love a God know how to count!
Pike Place Market can be crowded. When there is a Mariner game on in a few hours, the Market will get very crowded. When the team the M's are playing happens to be the Yankees, the Market can be unbelievably crowded with people wearing Yankees crap. Because of this, it's important to understand how crowds move in narrow spaces. Or rather, how they don't move. If you stop in the middle of the narrow lane of traffic, you will piss off a butt-load of people. If you stop in a narrow lane of traffic to pop a zit on your husband's nose, not only will you piss off a butt-load of people, you will totally gross them all out too. Seriously, take that stuff home or at least move to the street.
I know this is a PC time in our lives, especially when it come to our children. But if I ever even tried some of the stuff kids just do now when I was a kid, my Mom would have beaten me to inch of my life...and would have justified to do so! What parents are letting kids get away with now is amazing to me. It's like we don't want our children to have even one second of unpleasant experiences.
So now we have a generation of kids who think they should be given everything, get a trophy for just playing win or lose and when their parents tell them to do something, they treat it like it's more of a suggestion.
Eating lunch around these kids suck balls. You just can't enjoy anything around these wild uncontrollable beings. Tigers have it right when they eat their young sometimes.
I have to admit that not everybody at Pike Place sucks. There are some very cool things there that people have made or got. If you have a 13 year old boy's sense of humor, Pike Place is awesome. If you are a nerd, the Market is a treasure trove. Here are a couple things that I found that made me giggle.
Hannibal Lector's favorite side dish.
I LOVE the Evil Dead movies. I hate that I could not, after 20 minutes of trying, rotate this picture. Anyway, the Nerd Store at Pike Place had a bunch of ID tags for all kinds of TV shows and movies.
This needs no words at all. Mmmmm soup.
I know that if there are six billion of anything, some of those things are going to suck, some will be awesome and the majority will be bland. Yet, a rare few can rise to the top and stand out even among the normal stupid human behavior. Here a few things that we saw.
If you are going to buy something and take a good ten minutes to pay because you are counting out change from a ziplock bag, you had better be a kid. If you happen to be a older lady doing this, you are pissing off the world. The coin counting machines are frakking awesome, give them a try. Also, if you are counting out a mountain of change, for the love a God know how to count!
Pike Place Market can be crowded. When there is a Mariner game on in a few hours, the Market will get very crowded. When the team the M's are playing happens to be the Yankees, the Market can be unbelievably crowded with people wearing Yankees crap. Because of this, it's important to understand how crowds move in narrow spaces. Or rather, how they don't move. If you stop in the middle of the narrow lane of traffic, you will piss off a butt-load of people. If you stop in a narrow lane of traffic to pop a zit on your husband's nose, not only will you piss off a butt-load of people, you will totally gross them all out too. Seriously, take that stuff home or at least move to the street.
I know this is a PC time in our lives, especially when it come to our children. But if I ever even tried some of the stuff kids just do now when I was a kid, my Mom would have beaten me to inch of my life...and would have justified to do so! What parents are letting kids get away with now is amazing to me. It's like we don't want our children to have even one second of unpleasant experiences.
So now we have a generation of kids who think they should be given everything, get a trophy for just playing win or lose and when their parents tell them to do something, they treat it like it's more of a suggestion.
Eating lunch around these kids suck balls. You just can't enjoy anything around these wild uncontrollable beings. Tigers have it right when they eat their young sometimes.
I have to admit that not everybody at Pike Place sucks. There are some very cool things there that people have made or got. If you have a 13 year old boy's sense of humor, Pike Place is awesome. If you are a nerd, the Market is a treasure trove. Here are a couple things that I found that made me giggle.
Hannibal Lector's favorite side dish.
I LOVE the Evil Dead movies. I hate that I could not, after 20 minutes of trying, rotate this picture. Anyway, the Nerd Store at Pike Place had a bunch of ID tags for all kinds of TV shows and movies.
This needs no words at all. Mmmmm soup.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Disney Vacation Day Two
We are eating breakfast on Wednesday morning before Two Day and I’m jotting down some quick thoughts.
Getting a kid to do his homework before going to Disneyland is no small feat.
As we were looking for a place for lunch, we Jordan what he would like. We are surrounded by tons of cool and new restaurants and all he said was McDonald’s. We didn’t get on an airplane and fly down here just to have a frakking quarter pounder!
Some things can only happen to me: Like when going to the bathroom, I yank on the drawstrings to my shorts to hard and they knot up. I can’t undo the knot so I decide to pull the leg on my shorts up. I imagine this looked odd to all the guys in the restroom.
Souring Over California is AWESOME! I knew it was going to be because while standing in line the face and voice of the ride is Patrick Warburton. Effing Patrick Warburton! “Enjoy the flight little aviators” he said. Indeed, indeed I will Patrick Warburton. And thanks.
Getting a kid to do his homework before going to Disneyland is no small feat.
As we were looking for a place for lunch, we Jordan what he would like. We are surrounded by tons of cool and new restaurants and all he said was McDonald’s. We didn’t get on an airplane and fly down here just to have a frakking quarter pounder!
Some things can only happen to me: Like when going to the bathroom, I yank on the drawstrings to my shorts to hard and they knot up. I can’t undo the knot so I decide to pull the leg on my shorts up. I imagine this looked odd to all the guys in the restroom.
Souring Over California is AWESOME! I knew it was going to be because while standing in line the face and voice of the ride is Patrick Warburton. Effing Patrick Warburton! “Enjoy the flight little aviators” he said. Indeed, indeed I will Patrick Warburton. And thanks.
The only more annoying than two high school girls yammering on and on is two high school girls yammering on and on while standing next to you in line for 35 minutes.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Disney Vacation Day One
Our first day of our trip involved me flying. I know it doesn’t say anything good about me that Jordan, an eight year old, flies better than I do. On the plus side, I’m not a bother to anybody while in the air; unless snoring counts. Funny side story about buying the tickets: Wendy asked me whether I wanted an isle or window seat. I told her that a window would be better so people would not have to climb over my inert body. Then she asked where on the plane I would like to sit. I turned, looked at her and said “I’m going to be unconscious, duct tape me to the wing for all I care.”
So we land and now I’m feeling better about being on the ground. That was unit we got on the shuttle to the hotel. Do you remember Bill Murray’s Scrooged, the scene where he is in a taxi driven by Buster Poindexter? That was would have been less scary than what we had to endure. I’m so glad that the Xanax hadn’t completely left my system.
We are going to be here for basically five days so we decided not to hit the parks until tomorrow, Tuesday. Instead, we went to Downtown Disney and walked into all the shops and places designed to take our cash. I bought a cool Mickey Sorcerer’s Apprentice hat (it lights up!) and a gift or two for some friends.
We got back to the hotel and hit the pool. Our room wasn’t ready yet so our luggage was still being held in the secret squirrel hidey hole. No swim shorts for any of us. Jordan, did I mention that he is eight, is getting so antsy that Wendy had to go and get our bags out of deep freeze and find some swimming apparel for him. We played in the pool for a bit while Wendy turned a pretty pink color.
Finally, we went back into Downtown Disney to get some brick oven pizza at Naples. There they had, the only thing that I could call them, balloon artists. We saw them make a Little Mermaid, Pluto and other stuff that I don’t even know what there were suppose to be. The margarita pizza was fantastic!
Our day started three in the morning and we made it to about eight PM befor hitting the wall. Not bad all and all. Tomorrow I will be wearing a pedometer to see just how relaxing this vacation really is.
So we land and now I’m feeling better about being on the ground. That was unit we got on the shuttle to the hotel. Do you remember Bill Murray’s Scrooged, the scene where he is in a taxi driven by Buster Poindexter? That was would have been less scary than what we had to endure. I’m so glad that the Xanax hadn’t completely left my system.
We are going to be here for basically five days so we decided not to hit the parks until tomorrow, Tuesday. Instead, we went to Downtown Disney and walked into all the shops and places designed to take our cash. I bought a cool Mickey Sorcerer’s Apprentice hat (it lights up!) and a gift or two for some friends.
We got back to the hotel and hit the pool. Our room wasn’t ready yet so our luggage was still being held in the secret squirrel hidey hole. No swim shorts for any of us. Jordan, did I mention that he is eight, is getting so antsy that Wendy had to go and get our bags out of deep freeze and find some swimming apparel for him. We played in the pool for a bit while Wendy turned a pretty pink color.
Finally, we went back into Downtown Disney to get some brick oven pizza at Naples. There they had, the only thing that I could call them, balloon artists. We saw them make a Little Mermaid, Pluto and other stuff that I don’t even know what there were suppose to be. The margarita pizza was fantastic!
Our day started three in the morning and we made it to about eight PM befor hitting the wall. Not bad all and all. Tomorrow I will be wearing a pedometer to see just how relaxing this vacation really is.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Happy Mother's Day
It’s Mother’s Day again I want to acknowledge three special ladies in my life. No, not Mariska Hargitay, Olivia Munn and Jessica Biel. While special, they are disqualified to be in this post because of the multiple restraining orders. On a side note, I was able to spell Mariska Hargitay’s name right the first time and that in of its self is bit disturbing considering I can’t spell anything. Seriously, I still need to look at my drivers’ license to spell my middle name.
First there is my Mom. What can I say; I caused her 147 hours of painful labor, ran around with her breast pump on my forehead (that might have been my brother but for this post let us just assume it was me) and was, you know, me. She took Tony and me to a bazillion soccer practices and games, most of which she watch through her fingers covering her eyes as her kids ran with reckless abandon into other kids, goal posts and anything else within reach, usually head first.
Mom was there to share the great times, talk me through the terrible times and always seems to be at the top of the standings in fantasy baseball. My Mom gave the inspiration to be the person that I have become which I think is…pretty cool.
Sandie, my Step-Mom, has been in my life for about 27 years (this is how old she claims to be and being a gentleman I have never questioned but it does seem weird that she turns 27 on EVERY birthday) which means that she has been around for as long as I remember.
Since I have had an amazing child enter my life, I find myself feeling the need to apologize to all the parents that have been responsible in helping me along the way. By the way, every single one of my ‘rents have laughed their hinnies off at these phone calls. And I am starting to understand the unique difficulties of being a step parent. Now I have Jordan half the time, while Sandie only had us for two day every other weekend. I can only imagine the challenges that caused in trying to be an influence over Tony and me. Still, looking back she did a great job.
Lady number three is Wendy Glem (that is how I met her waaaaaaaaaay back in the day). Quick Joey tangent here: I still giggle at random times thinking about how I’m with Wendy Glem. OK’ I’m back. I have been living with Wendy for over a year now and watching her with Jordan has been the most incredible journey I have been a part of.
Her patience and unbelievable understanding continue to inspire me every day. She works so hard to make sure that Jordan doesn’t want for anything. No matter how difficult any given situation is, I have not once heard Wendy raise her voice. The fact that Jordan is great kid is a direct testament to Wendy and her steady parenting.
Wendy and I, plus most of her friends and my family, joke that she is raising two boys. In a real sense she is, giving the fact that I’m still very new to this parenthood thing and she needs to nudge me along sometimes.
So happy Mother’s Day Mom, Sandie and Wendy! I love you all and thank you for being a huge a part on my life.
First there is my Mom. What can I say; I caused her 147 hours of painful labor, ran around with her breast pump on my forehead (that might have been my brother but for this post let us just assume it was me) and was, you know, me. She took Tony and me to a bazillion soccer practices and games, most of which she watch through her fingers covering her eyes as her kids ran with reckless abandon into other kids, goal posts and anything else within reach, usually head first.
Mom was there to share the great times, talk me through the terrible times and always seems to be at the top of the standings in fantasy baseball. My Mom gave the inspiration to be the person that I have become which I think is…pretty cool.
Sandie, my Step-Mom, has been in my life for about 27 years (this is how old she claims to be and being a gentleman I have never questioned but it does seem weird that she turns 27 on EVERY birthday) which means that she has been around for as long as I remember.
Since I have had an amazing child enter my life, I find myself feeling the need to apologize to all the parents that have been responsible in helping me along the way. By the way, every single one of my ‘rents have laughed their hinnies off at these phone calls. And I am starting to understand the unique difficulties of being a step parent. Now I have Jordan half the time, while Sandie only had us for two day every other weekend. I can only imagine the challenges that caused in trying to be an influence over Tony and me. Still, looking back she did a great job.
Lady number three is Wendy Glem (that is how I met her waaaaaaaaaay back in the day). Quick Joey tangent here: I still giggle at random times thinking about how I’m with Wendy Glem. OK’ I’m back. I have been living with Wendy for over a year now and watching her with Jordan has been the most incredible journey I have been a part of.
Her patience and unbelievable understanding continue to inspire me every day. She works so hard to make sure that Jordan doesn’t want for anything. No matter how difficult any given situation is, I have not once heard Wendy raise her voice. The fact that Jordan is great kid is a direct testament to Wendy and her steady parenting.
Wendy and I, plus most of her friends and my family, joke that she is raising two boys. In a real sense she is, giving the fact that I’m still very new to this parenthood thing and she needs to nudge me along sometimes.
So happy Mother’s Day Mom, Sandie and Wendy! I love you all and thank you for being a huge a part on my life.
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