Omnibus Post Part 2

Omnibus post again! I know you’re excited so here we go

Things I Never Thought I Would Ever Say

I have said and done a crap ton of dumbass things in my life (I wonder what would happen if I spray this Binaca up my nose) but since Jordan has entered my world I have said the weirdest things. Some of my favorites are listed below. This come from my Twitter feed @J_Beaching (shameless plug).

Jordan wanting to slide down a slide that has been sitting in 90 degree heat all day: “Fine go for it but if you burn your butt, don’t come crying to me!”

Playing soccer: “Use your head or your chest but don't try to stop the ball with your private parts.”

Asking about my Android phone: "Joe, are there such a thing as golden eagles?" I don't know, I'll look it up. Yes, there golden eagles. Want to see a picture? "Yes! Cool! Joe, is there anything Android doesn't know?"

On playing Madden 2009: “You need to throw the ball to different receivers. If you keep throwing it to the same guy I….wait! You just scored again?!"

On anatomy: For the love of God, please don’t pinch your scrotum and pull it in different directions. It hurts me when you do that. Fine, I didn’t really say that one but I was thinking it. Luckily for me, the little man in my head that stops me from saying crazy things was awake at that time.

A list of stuff I Have Said and Done

To Continue a Thought From Above

On my taste in music part 1: “Dude, Creed rocks! They are so hard core!”

On my taste in music part 2: “Watch out for Chumbawamba, they are going to hit it big.”

On skiing: “I bet I can jump off this cliff and make it down to the bottom.”

On me being an accidental racist: At Subway I asked the nice Mexican lady, "Is the white cheese American?"

Random Music Video

I love this video. To bad Flight of the Conchords has been shut down by HBO. Very funny.



Wendy's Dad

Gordon scares the hell out of me. He’s Grizzly Adam but quite. He talks deliberately and with a straight unerring monotone. Whenever I’m in a room with him, I feel like I’m back in junior high meeting him for the first time.

And he’s got a shotgun shell that says “Joe” on it. I have almost convinced myself that it could be a different Joe. Until he told me that yes it’s for me.

He’s a conservative, and I’m a wild-eyed liberal. At least we have a truce about politics. He might even respect me for standing up for myself and telling him my opinion. Or, he’s just bidding his time and has that shell in his pocket.