I Got 99 Problems And Being A Nerd Is One

Jordan just got a Justice League comic in a cereal box and got really excited about it. This made me feel that the nerd culture was making a step forward, that the next generation was getting into it. To see just how far he has come, I asked him to name all the members.

I pointed to Superman and he knew him. Same with Batman and The Green Lantern. I then pointed to Aquaman and of course Jordan didn’t know who he was. Seriously, Aquaman is famous for sucking. Why would Jordan know or care about that dude.

Next, I pointed The Flash and again Jordan didn’t recognize him. I was starting to feel a little bit like a failure now. Just because Hollywood has not made a movie about The Flash doesn’t mean that a nine year old shouldn’t know who he is.

Finally, I pointed to Wonder Woman and asked if he knew who she was. He got a big smile, started to walk away said “Super Woman” and then did a Jay Z “brushing the dirt off my shoulder” move like he nailed it.


While I loved the bravado (I’m sure I don’t know where he learned the move) it made me start to question myself as a nerd parent. He should know who Wonder Woman is after all.

So I decided to make this a teaching moment and told him who it was and got the response that shook me to the core, “whatever.” As I a stood there in stunned silence, Wendy was looking at me with concern, like I was about to cry.

This just showed me while Jordan has come a long way, there is still much I have to show him.

What I Learned At The 3 Day 2011

Welcome to the annual 3 Day recap-Joey style! I have done this post for two years now, while last year’s post was from a walker’s perspective (you can read it here) this year will be a glimpse from a crew member. A blurry, sleepy eyed glimpse but hopefully informative. Enough of the introduction, let’s get to the good stuff!

It’s a good idea to have a least one person that can sew on your team.

One of the things that make The 3 Day so much fun is that you get to wear costumes, but usually those costumes are original and homemade. That means someone putting needle and thread to cloth. Those of us on the Food Service Crew are incredibly spoiled in this department. We have a bunch of great ladies putting together things like chef hats and aprons. But the coup de gras for me is that have my very own seamstress, and Wendy put together a superhero costume for the ages. For opening, it was my job to man the street by the long-term parking garage and wave the walkers in. It was five in morning and I was on a dark street corner and I was totally waiting for crime to happen so I could go fight it. On the downside, there are not too many phone booths around to do the super hero switch. Oh well, one uses what one can. Which leads to:

Being a Superhero is as much fun as I imagined.
Whether it’s a Pink Masked Marvel costume or an Ironman suit, living the life a hero is awesome! Plus, the ladies of The 3 Day have no problem objectifying a man and copping feel of the guns, which of course didn’t bother me a bit.



Don’t get between a walker and her coffee at 5:00 in the AM.
Not much to add here other than the fact if you are the one to have coffee for her in your hand, you get to be a hero even if you aren’t in a suit.

No matter how many times I do The 3 Day, it never fails to change my life.
Closing still gets me. It always happens when we raise our shoe to the survivors. I have written in the past the survivors are the rock stars of weekend, and as the years go by and I meet more people at the events, the more I respect and admire them. I’ll be worried when it doesn’t get to me anymore.


Karaoke isn't just for the talented anymore.

"Don’t sign up for Karaoke unless you can bring it" is what I wrote last year. That hasn't changed but when the gal singing Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart (and REALLY bringing it) is asking for a guy to sing the Rory Dodd "turn around bright eyes" part, I stepped up. Yes I had to Goggle the dude's name, even my vast Useless Knowledge Memory Banks didn't know it and you didn't know either. It was the Glee version and I managed to fumble through it (I have a HUGE post in my head about how that show is killing all the songs from my high school experience). Everybody was really cool saying that I did a good job but what do they know? They just walked 20 miles and are on an Gatorade high. Still, the complements are very much appreciated. Here is a video of my "performance" and if anybody know who the gal is, please let me know.



Sprinklers that are used to water big fields, are really good at their job.
And those pink tents are not good at repelling the water. But, even the pink tent offers some protection, those sleeping on cots the medical tent didn't even have that much. Things started around two o'clock Sunday morning and as the word got out, people were dragging their tents off the field. Tables were overturned and placed on the sprinkler heads. As you can imagine, chaos ensued. I'm reasonably certain I was the only person to sleep through the whole thing. It's not very often you get to hear the benefits of sleep apnea.

Stickers seem to be the only currency that matters for three days.

If you have on a super hero suit, people tend to talk to you. If you have on a super hero suit and are handing out stickers, people crowd around like you are a levitating David Blaine Street Magician. Wait, he's a bit creepy now isn't he? How about crowding around like you are Yoda levitating a X-wing fighter? Too nerdy? Too bad, I'm a nerd and this is my blog.

Just because you are a bus driver, that doesn't mean you know how to drive a bus.<

Buses are big and they don't make signs like they used to. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure they ever made signs that can hold up to a bus.

The Remembrance Tent will affect you.

This year was the first time I went into the Remembrance Tent and saw a picture of someone I knew. In 2009, I went in there with no idea what to expect and it hit me hard. I didn't know a single person in any of the pictures. I didn't know any of the names written on the tent. The sense of love and lose was so heavy and brought home to me why people participate at the 3 Day. In the intervening years, as my circle of friends and family has grown, so has my awareness of cancer. There have been members of my family that have beat it that I didn't know about. I have met and come to love people through The 3 Day that are fighting cancer, some for a second or third time. People who have had lost mothers, daughters, sisters or aunts and people who just want to make a difference. I don't want to see any more pictures added to the Remembrance Tent.

High School-20 Years Later

So Wendy and I went to our 20 year high school reunion last weekend and I have a few random thoughts about it.

My batting average of facial or name recognition of people was about three for every ten, a respectable .300 average. Well, it sucked to have to tell the other seven people “yeah, I have no idea.”

Alcohol didn’t help with names but it helped in other ways. There is nothing a Jello shot can’t make better.

The great planners of the shindig had name tags on lanyards for everybody but I don’t think they thought far enough however. So ladies, I want you to know that I was trying to look at the name tag on your chest, not your…well chest. Really.

Some high school cliques will never apparently die, even though they really should.

I *don’t* dance, ever. I don’t care how many models Wendy sends over to try and drag me to the dance floor, it will not happen. And this is for the benefit of everybody else. So instead of complaining, just thank me.

Music from the 80’s is still the best. Ever. Period.

Chick mullets were kinda cool back then. I’m still on the fence about girls having them now. Dude mullets are still super awesome! I will still try to grow one despite the ever constant threat of being shaved in the middle of the night.

Lastly, I want to thank everybody who came up and told me how much they like my stuff. It was appreciated as much as it was a surprise. Thank you. I write this stuff mostly because I like to crack myself up. But I do have what standup comedians refer to as the brain damage that makes them want to have other people like them, so hearing the positive feedback was really cool. Thanks again.

Onion Goggles Are Badass!

My sister-in-law Carrie introduced Wendy and me to one of the greatest inventions ever; the Onion Goggles! They are used to keep your eyes from tearing up while chopping onions. And they look super cool. Here is a picture of my niece Ava wearing them.


We loved them so much that Carrie gave Wendy a pair for Christmas. Even though they are Wendy's, she "lets" me chop the onions so I can use them. The one drawback is now Jordan thinks that if he isn't wearing the goggles, he can't look at onions without his eyes burning. Even if a chef is chopping them on TV he turns away and screams. It's awesome! You can't not look cool while wearing them as Jordan shows us here.


I have a huge man-crush on Nathan Fillion. Not only do I not deny it, I celebrate it proudly! Granted, Wendy is a bit creeped out by this but it isn't really the strangest thing she has to deal with when it comes to my nerdliness. Because of this bromance, I picked up the first season of Castle on DVD and began watching it. When I reach the third episode, look who is wearing the Onion Goggles!


After I saw this, all I could think was "Holy crap, Nathan Fillion is as cool as my family!" True story.

Oh Bleep

So this happened to me today: I'm removing some fire alarm stuff for a remodel in a church and I’m working up in the attic. I needed to look behind an alcove to see where the wires were going, so I climbed up on to what I thought some framing and a shelf that was built to house the HVAC ducts. I took one step and turned on my flashlight.

That’s when I fell through the attic. One moment I was standing what I thought was plywood and the next I fell through what turned out to be really dirty and dusty sheetrock. Lucky for me, the HVAC ducts and the soffit were there to catch my fall. A fall that was only about three feet.

Now, those of you that know me really well would think that this kind of thing happens to me all the time but in truth, I have never fallen through an attic, ceiling or anything else of the kind. So it was a little scary.

Now, I’m not going to say how things totally slowed down Matrix style because they didn’t. It happened so fast I couldn’t even get a “oh shit” out. And I’m very quick with my swearing. It really was: I'm tall, now I'm in straddling this AC duct.

The best thing about all of this is that no one saw it. I was already filthy from working and I didn’t hurt myself and wasn't bleeding so nobody knows. I needed to change my underwear but no long term damage. Well, my pride maybe but that has taken so many hits it’s almost bulletproof.

Memorial Day 2011

I wrote this post a few years ago and wanted to bring it back because of Memorial Day and share some stuff about my Dad.


My dad was a Seabee during the Viet Nam war. It was his job to build the defenses and structures while still fighting the enemy.

He did two tours there and even though he was in the Navy, he didn’t spend any time on ships. He wore combat boots and fatigues. He carried a rifle and stomped in the same mud as any solder.

On his first tour, he was on Seabee Technical Assistance Team 0311. After that, the Navy was asking for volunteers for Team 0312 that was going to be stationed at Micronesia. No fighting this time but instead there would be scuba diving and a Boston Whaler.

After only four months of training, the Army’s 9th infantry division was sent home and Seabee Team 0312 was sent to help fill the gap. Navy=Never Again Volunteer Yourself.

Recently, he has been trying to get in touch with his teammates and is planning a reunion in June. One of his best friends who was on both Seabee teams was a guy called Doc. Doc had died 8 years ago and Dad has been corresponding with his wife Joyce.

Mostly he has written about the time spent in Asia. Doc, like most guys that served, didn’t talk much about that time with family. The letters touched on things from their six months of training to a time Doc took my Dad a trip to a village to help the sick and injured.

Dad as been sending me copies of the letters he has been writing to her. As I read these letters, it came crashing down on me that the time Dad was talking about, he was 15 years younger than I am now.

These letters opened a window to my dad and I am getting to see different side of him.

People have been asking me about my humor in my writing. So to bring this full circle, I want to end this post with an excerpt from a letter my Dad sent out to his teammates. It was a three page autobiography that started out like this:

"In May of 1945, Germany surrendered unconditionally to the Allies. Two months later, Jack Joe (my Dad) was born. The Japanese realizing with this birth their cause was unattainable also surrendered. (Thus) ending World War Two." It eerily sounds like something I would have written.

This is Seebee Team 0311. Dad is in the bottom row, second from the left.

I Dont Have Too Much Confidence In Humanity

Wendy and I went to Pike Place Market and we saw some things that make me believe that the human race is going to end up like the dinosaurs.

I know that if there are six billion of anything, some of those things are going to suck, some will be awesome and the majority will be bland. Yet, a rare few can rise to the top and stand out even among the normal stupid human behavior. Here a few things that we saw.

If you are going to buy something and take a good ten minutes to pay because you are counting out change from a ziplock bag, you had better be a kid. If you happen to be a older lady doing this, you are pissing off the world. The coin counting machines are frakking awesome, give them a try. Also, if you are counting out a mountain of change, for the love a God know how to count!

Pike Place Market can be crowded. When there is a Mariner game on in a few hours, the Market will get very crowded. When the team the M's are playing happens to be the Yankees, the Market can be unbelievably crowded with people wearing Yankees crap. Because of this, it's important to understand how crowds move in narrow spaces. Or rather, how they don't move. If you stop in the middle of the narrow lane of traffic, you will piss off a butt-load of people. If you stop in a narrow lane of traffic to pop a zit on your husband's nose, not only will you piss off a butt-load of people, you will totally gross them all out too. Seriously, take that stuff home or at least move to the street.

I know this is a PC time in our lives, especially when it come to our children. But if I ever even tried some of the stuff kids just do now when I was a kid, my Mom would have beaten me to inch of my life...and would have justified to do so! What parents are letting kids get away with now is amazing to me. It's like we don't want our children to have even one second of unpleasant experiences.

So now we have a generation of kids who think they should be given everything, get a trophy for just playing win or lose and when their parents tell them to do something, they treat it like it's more of a suggestion.

Eating lunch around these kids suck balls. You just can't enjoy anything around these wild uncontrollable beings. Tigers have it right when they eat their young sometimes.

I have to admit that not everybody at Pike Place sucks. There are some very cool things there that people have made or got. If you have a 13 year old boy's sense of humor, Pike Place is awesome. If you are a nerd, the Market is a treasure trove. Here are a couple things that I found that made me giggle.

Hannibal Lector's favorite side dish.


I LOVE the Evil Dead movies. I hate that I could not, after 20 minutes of trying, rotate this picture. Anyway, the Nerd Store at Pike Place had a bunch of ID tags for all kinds of TV shows and movies.

This needs no words at all. Mmmmm soup.

Mi Familia

It's crazy how much I love these two.

Disney Vacation Day Two

We are eating breakfast on Wednesday morning before Two Day and I’m jotting down some quick thoughts.

Getting a kid to do his homework before going to Disneyland is no small feat.

As we were looking for a place for lunch, we Jordan what he would like. We are surrounded by tons of cool and new restaurants and all he said was McDonald’s. We didn’t get on an airplane and fly down here just to have a frakking quarter pounder!

Some things can only happen to me: Like when going to the bathroom, I yank on the drawstrings to my shorts to hard and they knot up. I can’t undo the knot so I decide to pull the leg on my shorts up. I imagine this looked odd to all the guys in the restroom.

Souring Over California is AWESOME! I knew it was going to be because while standing in line the face and voice of the ride is Patrick Warburton. Effing Patrick Warburton! “Enjoy the flight little aviators” he said. Indeed, indeed I will Patrick Warburton. And thanks.

The only more annoying than two high school girls yammering on and on is two high school girls yammering on and on while standing next to you in line for 35 minutes.

If it was feasible, I would make a lightsaber everyday.

Disney Vacation Day One

Our first day of our trip involved me flying. I know it doesn’t say anything good about me that Jordan, an eight year old, flies better than I do. On the plus side, I’m not a bother to anybody while in the air; unless snoring counts. Funny side story about buying the tickets: Wendy asked me whether I wanted an isle or window seat. I told her that a window would be better so people would not have to climb over my inert body. Then she asked where on the plane I would like to sit. I turned, looked at her and said “I’m going to be unconscious, duct tape me to the wing for all I care.”

So we land and now I’m feeling better about being on the ground. That was unit we got on the shuttle to the hotel. Do you remember Bill Murray’s Scrooged, the scene where he is in a taxi driven by Buster Poindexter? That was would have been less scary than what we had to endure. I’m so glad that the Xanax hadn’t completely left my system.



We are going to be here for basically five days so we decided not to hit the parks until tomorrow, Tuesday. Instead, we went to Downtown Disney and walked into all the shops and places designed to take our cash. I bought a cool Mickey Sorcerer’s Apprentice hat (it lights up!) and a gift or two for some friends.

We got back to the hotel and hit the pool. Our room wasn’t ready yet so our luggage was still being held in the secret squirrel hidey hole. No swim shorts for any of us. Jordan, did I mention that he is eight, is getting so antsy that Wendy had to go and get our bags out of deep freeze and find some swimming apparel for him. We played in the pool for a bit while Wendy turned a pretty pink color.

Finally, we went back into Downtown Disney to get some brick oven pizza at Naples. There they had, the only thing that I could call them, balloon artists. We saw them make a Little Mermaid, Pluto and other stuff that I don’t even know what there were suppose to be. The margarita pizza was fantastic!



Our day started three in the morning and we made it to about eight PM befor hitting the wall. Not bad all and all. Tomorrow I will be wearing a pedometer to see just how relaxing this vacation really is.

Happy Mother's Day

It’s Mother’s Day again I want to acknowledge three special ladies in my life. No, not Mariska Hargitay, Olivia Munn and Jessica Biel. While special, they are disqualified to be in this post because of the multiple restraining orders. On a side note, I was able to spell Mariska Hargitay’s name right the first time and that in of its self is bit disturbing considering I can’t spell anything. Seriously, I still need to look at my drivers’ license to spell my middle name.

First there is my Mom. What can I say; I caused her 147 hours of painful labor, ran around with her breast pump on my forehead (that might have been my brother but for this post let us just assume it was me) and was, you know, me. She took Tony and me to a bazillion soccer practices and games, most of which she watch through her fingers covering her eyes as her kids ran with reckless abandon into other kids, goal posts and anything else within reach, usually head first.

Mom was there to share the great times, talk me through the terrible times and always seems to be at the top of the standings in fantasy baseball. My Mom gave the inspiration to be the person that I have become which I think is…pretty cool.

Sandie, my Step-Mom, has been in my life for about 27 years (this is how old she claims to be and being a gentleman I have never questioned but it does seem weird that she turns 27 on EVERY birthday) which means that she has been around for as long as I remember.

Since I have had an amazing child enter my life, I find myself feeling the need to apologize to all the parents that have been responsible in helping me along the way. By the way, every single one of my ‘rents have laughed their hinnies off at these phone calls. And I am starting to understand the unique difficulties of being a step parent. Now I have Jordan half the time, while Sandie only had us for two day every other weekend. I can only imagine the challenges that caused in trying to be an influence over Tony and me. Still, looking back she did a great job.

Lady number three is Wendy Glem (that is how I met her waaaaaaaaaay back in the day). Quick Joey tangent here: I still giggle at random times thinking about how I’m with Wendy Glem. OK’ I’m back. I have been living with Wendy for over a year now and watching her with Jordan has been the most incredible journey I have been a part of.

Her patience and unbelievable understanding continue to inspire me every day. She works so hard to make sure that Jordan doesn’t want for anything. No matter how difficult any given situation is, I have not once heard Wendy raise her voice. The fact that Jordan is great kid is a direct testament to Wendy and her steady parenting.

Wendy and I, plus most of her friends and my family, joke that she is raising two boys. In a real sense she is, giving the fact that I’m still very new to this parenthood thing and she needs to nudge me along sometimes.

So happy Mother’s Day Mom, Sandie and Wendy! I love you all and thank you for being a huge a part on my life.

The Blue Cooler Wars-The First Great Battle Is Fought

Blue Cooler Recap: I and my then wife gave it to Tony and Carrie and forgot about it. That Christmas they tricked us into taking it home again. War was declared. They thought living in another state made them safe. They learned that was not the case.

So the following months when we got together it went something like this: Check their car, is the Cooler in it? Did you look in our car? Open the trunk and make sure it's not there. Lock the doors and hide your keys. Did you search the house? Check behind the shower curtain. Will it fit under the bed? The Blue Cooler changed possession a couple of times. Other plots to give it away were discovered and foiled.

So in April of 2005, when My Bro bought a new house in Oregon, we put into action our plan. We had the Cooler at this point and spent many hours in our War Room implementing a scheme to not only deliver the damn thing but do it in a way to demoralize the enemy as well. We had directions to their new place but we did not go directly to it. We did some recon and searched for ways to spring our trap. I parked the truck two houses away and my wife jumped out with the Cooler and ran up to their house from the one side that had no windows looking out. She then hid the Cooler in a big clump of bushes beside the house and ran back to the truck. I then parked next to the house and we got out and rang the bell. Tony came out, told us to stay where we were and then searched the truck. Even though he didn't see The Blue Cooler, he was still suspicious. He would get nervous when one of us left the room. We of course knew this, so we would go out of our way to go outside or disappear upstairs and watch him scramble to make sure that no treachery was afoot.

To her credit, Carrie wasn't as crazy as Tony. Her problem was that she is nice and trusting and didn't take this as seriously as the rest of us. What that meant for Tony was that he was outnumbered and facing very motivated opponents. We were staying for the weekend and that night we set the plan in motion. Whenever my Bro and I get together we play Mario Party into the wee hours of the night. I will write a post on the Mario Parties later. This also includes some adult beverages. Well, many beverages. So when we finally retired for the night, Tony and I were feeling no pain. About four in the morning the linchpin of the whole operation woke up. My ex was an early riser. Very early. Butt crack of dawn early. She put on a robe, drank some coffee and went outside. She grabbed the Cooler and took it to the garage. Anyone who has ever moved knows what the garage looks like three weeks after the move. Their garage wasn't any better. She unstacked a bunch of stuff, placed the Cooler down and stacked all of the stuff on top of it. As part of the plan, the things she used to bury the Cooler were sleeping bags and other summer gear. Stuff that they won't touch for awhile. She then went into the kitchen and cleaned up after the Mario Party to cover up the treachery. How could someone who cleaned the kitchen do something like hide The Blue Cooler in your garage?

I don't know how long it took them to find the Cooler, but Tony did not acknowledge that he had it for months. My guess is that it stayed hidden for awhile, just sitting in the garage to whole time. This is also the time that Carie turned to the Darkside and decided that we were going to pay. All that summer and fall, they tried to get us back but we stopped them every time. We even managed to find the Cooler and smuggle it back in their truck before they left our house. They found it while driving home. Tony must have been so proud of himself thinking that they got us, only to find it in their truck 20 minutes later. That phone call made us laugh for days. They were final able to get us in November, about a year after the whole thing started. We found it outside of the house in some bushes. Ironic I suppose.

But that wasn't the end of it by far.

The Blue Cooler Wars-War Is Declared!

We left off with Tony taking the cooler home with a turkey and instructions to keep the cooler. Fast forward to that Christmas at Mom's house. We did the usual stuff; food, presents and general merry making.

Sometime during the evening, my Bro causally told me that he has the blue cooler to give back to us. I then reminded him that he was to keep it, that we did not want it back. For most people, it should have ended there.

Not for Tony.

This is the important part of this saga and I want to point this out. The blue cooler was freely given and received. A contract was made. We gave it them (don't think you are getting off the hook here Carrie) and they took, understanding the terms of the deal.

So you can appreciate our surprise, when that night, we unloaded the truck and found the blue cooler. I believe that was the time it became “The Blue Cooler.” Again, let me point out that we were the victims. We were the ones hoodwinked (I'm so glad I got to use that word...love it). How did this happen? Why did it happen?

I called my Bro for an explanation. All he could tell me was "Your name was on the damn thing with permanent marker. It is yours." Yes, he did sound very self satisfied. Even proud of what they had done. Here is the most important part is that they were in Portland. They believed they were safe from my justice. Safe from my righteous anger.

But they were wrong. So very wrong.

The Blue Cooler Wars-Opening Salvo

Members of my family who read this blog have asked me if the Blue Cooler will make an appearance. The answer has always been yes, but I wanted to tell the stories right. Those of you that know the saga will have to be patient as I write about the events and people that have made this the epic struggle what it is today.

It started small, like most things do, in 2004 around October. My brother and his wife-to-be Carrie came up to visit us from Oregon. I don't remember why and it really is not important. I am sure, however, that I handed my Bro his ass in Mario Party that trip.

Somehow the conversation turned to Thanksgiving, and to the fact that Tony had not grabbed a turkey yet. Well my wife at the time, being the efficient shopper that she was, had purchased a couple of birds at a good sale price and stashed them in the freezer and asked if he wanted one of them. He said that he would but he had a long drive home and was worried about the turkey thawing out.

Amazingly, the stars had aligned and the answer was shipped to us the week before. Every year we ordered a bushel of Hatch green chilies from New Mexico. We actually would spit an order with my then mother-in-law in Illinois. She would buy the chilies and send us our half. That year our order was sent in a heavily taped blue cooler. She wrote our address on the lid with a permanent marker and affixed the shipping label on the side.

After receiving said cooler, we were trying to figure out what to with it. We had four other coolers and didn't need or want the blue one. So we offered it to my Bro for him to put his bird in for the trip. We also told him that the cooler was his to do with as he pleased.

So we loaded the turkey in the cooler, packed it with ice and sent him on his way believing that we helped Tony have a great Thanksgiving and solved our blue cooler problem.

If it only stopped there....

To be continued.

Bowling Is Not A Sport

I have never been the best athlete around. That’s not to say I suck at everything. I think that I play a good goalkeeper and I can hold my own in basketball as long as you don’t mind that I can’t dribble, shoot, jump or that I’m only 5’9”. I do play some mean defense though.

This fact makes it weird to know that Jordan seems to think that I’m the great athlete ever. My brother Tony tries to disabuse Jordan of this belief whenever we all get together as much as he can.


Jordan and I watch football, baseball and some basketball when we have the time. He wants to know everything and asks millions of questions, all which I know the answer to naturally. Even the crazy eight year old questions. “Why do they get four downs to get a first down? How come it’s called a touchdown? Did he just make a homerun?”

So in my house, I’m the greatest and smartest athletic person in the world. Even sports video games are dominated by me. All of this makes the next part really, really hard to admit.

I lost to a five year old at bowling. Sure he had the bumpers up and I was dealing with the plague (one of those is a lie) but it still hurts. Holy crap it hurts. I want you all to know that Ben, the five year old, is an animal. In fact, he beat everybody except for Keith, his dad.


Of course the kids, Ben’s brother Conner and Jordan, were having way too much fun to notice anything and my sports reign is still alive in Jordan’s mind. The day he figures out the truth is going to suck. Might even feel as bad as losing to a five year old at, well anything.

Oh, in order to able to use the photo of Ben, his Mom Rachel made me write this:

I lost to Rachel too. She beat me by like a bazillion pins. It was terrible. She is the greatest bowler I have ever been around. I was blessed to be in her presents. Is that enough Rach?