I Learned Something New Yesterday

A new way to cook breakfast. We are at David and Wendy's place for the wedding reception. Congrats and all to them. Sunday morning David cooks bacon, some ham and cut up some red potatoes. Chops up onions, green peppers and tomatoes.

He then puts that stuff out like a self service omelet bar, which it kind of is. A really weird omelet bar.

What you did was take a ziploc freezer bag and fill it with the ingredients that you wanted and cracked some eggs into it. I added pepper and some garlic.

We then walked our sealed bags outside to the barbecue area and dropped them into a vat filled with boiling water. About five minutes later, bam! a bag o' omelet. Crazy good.

Another New Thing Happened to Me

I got peed on. Yeah, that happened. Here's the low down; I was getting Jordan's shower ready, you know, checking the temperature and all that. Then I start to feel water splash on my leg. The back of my leg. The back of my leg not facing the bathtub.

I turned around and to see Jordan, trou dropped to his knees, peeing in the toilet. And let me tell you, this kid has a bladder. Ogre from Revenge Of The Nerds kind of bladder. He has so much power behind the pee that even though he is destroying his target, I'm still within the splash zone.

And I don't know how to react, I mean he really didn't do anything wrong other than take a leak with another guy two feet away, but he's a kid and that's OK. Or at least that's what I'm told. So I quietly walked away and started my own shower.

My Geekiness is Getting in the Way of My Nerdiness

First off, I need to credit Patton Oswalt for that line. He is one of my favorite comics and I follow his nerd philosophy.

Let me set the scene for you; October 2 is Jordan’s Birthday and we (I mean Wendy but because she asked for my opinion I will take some credit too) are planning the party. We decide that Jordan gets to invite three friends for a Mario/slumber party. I haven’t asked Wendy yet, but I’m going to say that the Mario Party part of the evening will be sans Jagermeister. Not much of a Mario Party without hard liquor if you ask me. Alas, I was not asked.

Next, we ask Jordan who he would like to invite to his slumber party. The first name out of mouth is Karen, the blond hygienist that works with Wendy. After we told him that he has to pick three friends from school or daycare, he said Blake. We figured on Blake already and are now feeling good that the process is moving forward.

The second name? Megan Fox. OK, the party is starting to look up. I’m on board with the whole thing now and rethinking the Jagermeister.

Sadly, Wendy crushes both of our dreams and rules out Megan Fox. I was willing to negotiate, we invite Megan and Wendy can invite Mathew Fox. Fair’s fair right?

So we finally settle on three names and we move on the party supplies. Wendy takes Jordan shopping to find Mario decorations. They can’t find them anywhere. I don’t know if the Geek Gene is hereditary or is an airborne contagion, but I think Jordan is growing one. Plan B’s decorations; Batman. Don’t give me the hooey about seven year olds and Batman, I know this kid will be reading Batman comics in his 30’s.

No big deal, we have a Mario Party and Batman napkins. Who the frick cares? I haven’t delved too deeply into Wendy’s past to see if there have been other Geeks in her life. However, if I had to guess, I would say no. There is a definite burden spending time with a Geek that she seems to be finding out about. Having to go to all of the comic book movies, having to hear how well the comic book movies followed the source material and being told the history of the characters in the movie no matter how small of a part they had.

I’m sure Wendy thought that making the invitations wouldn’t be a big deal. And it wasn’t until she decided to cross-pollinate genres. She found a cool picture of the Mario Party gang to print on the front of the invitations. She wrote out the “what, where and when” stuff. Put a nice pic of Mario on the inside. All very cool and not at all offensive.

Where she crossed the line is putting the Bat Signal on the cover with the Mario Party stuff. Comic book heroes and video game plumbers are not to be mixed.

Ever.

Period.

I told Wendy as much and she had this look on her face like I was beating a bunch of kittens with a bag filled with puppies. She couldn’t understand my consternation. I then explained to her that you can mix comics together. Superman fighting The Hulk is cool. Lex Luthor hanging out with Magneto is a bad guy dream team.

Video game cartoons can’t be created on the same invite with time-tested comic book legends. It’s taboo to the Geek Code and to the Nerd Code for that matter. Where does it end? Will she Photoshop Batman Riverdancing with Princess Peach whilst expounding the virtue of having the Public Option in the new Health Care legislation?

And here is where my nerdiness collides with the geekiness. I’m a comic geek and a video game nerd. All that stuff swirls inside of me and works just fine for the most part. Why can’t they be put together on birthday party invitation for a soon-to-be seven year old? What's the harm? I don’t know! But you can’t!

Star Wars Geeks don’t hang with Star Trek nerds. You just don’t cross the streams.



Wendy needs to understand this. Soon. She is making me crazy. I think she is doing on purpose too.

Just An Excuse To Say Shamwow

So I went to 7-11 to get a quick bite to eat. I know that there is plenty of things wrong with this statement, but can we get by that and focus on the story please?

So I make my way to the refrigerator area to grab a sandwich, trying to eat a little healthy. Yes, I know you don’t go to 7-11 and think healthy but give me a break; I was working on a deadline. Again, not the point of the story, focus people!

When I arrive to the chilled food products I found my access blocked by some dude lying on the floor. Well I am at the 7-11 and have seen weirder things than that. Of course that was usually after three in the morning when the freaks come out. This was around noon and not a typical part of the day for guys spending any amount of time on the floor of a convenience store.

After further investigation I found that this guy was actually working. He was spraying insecticide under the refrigerator. There was food sitting on the shelves, being chilled by the motor under the machine that was being sprayed with poison.

I have seen better marketing schemes that this. “Buy 10 chicken nuggets and receive a kick to your nuggets for free." Or “We got great rebates for the new Hummer. We will even throw in a hose going from the tailpipe into the passage area." Then there is my favorite, “Not only will I give you a second Shamwow, I will send a hooker over to your house to kick your ass!”

Needless to say, I didn’t get the healthy sandwich. I just picked up my usual; Cool Ranch Doritos, Ho Hos and Diet Mountain Dew. Hey, it was Diet Dew damn it!

Future Gamers of America

I feel a little like the Tobacco companies right now. You know, hook the next generation and all. Well I got my insidious gamer habits into Jordan. His Mom and Dad are not gamers, I know weird right? Anyway, it's up to me to fry his not yet fully developed brain. I'm always up for a challenge.

He got a Wii for Christmas last year, but now has got a huge man (boy?) crush on my xbox 360. Can't blame the little guy, it is very cool. He loves all the peripherals that I have for the machine.

He even has is own gamer tag.

To be fair, Wendy has gotten into the gaming a bit as well. But she is too busy doing the things she loves more (cooking, cleaning and the like). I know I'm going to pay for that last comment, but it was just too funny not to use. Sorry babe.

Damn, I'm good. I have been with these two for a few months now and they are hooked. Microsoft owes me a huge "thank you".

Cats, Dogs and Boobs...Oh My

A pic from the 3-Day. There is at least one thing the Huskies and Cougs can agree on.

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Why I Don't Get To Use The Video-Making Machine

This is from my Facebook page but I thought it worthy to post here as well. So Wendy is going through all of the media we have from the 3-Day, and found this short clip I taped. She watched it and then declared that I no longer get to use the camera.

Want to know why? Well here is the clip:

Awesome right? I think she is persecuting me unnecessarily. Then again, I don't think she has watched everything I filmed yet.

Why Do Boys Think Farts Are Funny?

Wendy's six year old, like all other boys, think farts are the funniest thing. Jordan loves Pull My Finger. Hell, I love Pull My Finger.

OK, so boys are not the only ones who like farts. Big boys do too. But not all fart humor is created equal. A couple of weekends ago, Jordan learned about the Dutch Oven.

He left the covers and crawled over to his mother eyes watering and crossed. Coughing and retching. "Mommy, I didn't like that."

I was laughing so hard until I got a whiff from what came out of the blanket. I started to cough and retch. Wendy started to cough and retch. It was one of the most awful things to ever come out of my butt.

I felt the need to apologize to the boy. Not in the "gee I'm sorry that happened. I hope your mom doesn't poison my Mountain Dew." I really felt bad. Super bad. No kid should have dealt with that without provocation. That should have been saved for a time he deserved it.

Like when he tries to give a Dutch Oven to me.

Fame Through Ambiguty

I am the 5th Beatle. Or, for the younger crowd, I'm the guy in Wham that is not George Michael. For you even younger crowd, get off the webernet and get into bed.

So it's opening day at the 3-Day and people are asking me to take pictures with them. Not because I'm a good-looking dude and they want to post them on Facebook. Not because I'm one of 200 or so guys there and they wanted a picture of this rare creature.

The reason for all of the attention is because I'm hanging with The Seattle Breast Pirates. The Wendys and David have been doing this for 3 years now and are famous for it. The walkers and Crew come up to them and hug them and say things like, "I love you guys! The Pirates rule!"

They then say hi to me and wonder who I am. I get the hug and THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM!

I am a Pirate and that is all that matters. I am Andrew Ridgeley.

Intro/The 3 Day Pregame Show

So welcome to the blog. What I hope to accomplish with this is to talk about the dumb, silly and hopefully funny things that happen to me and the people in my life. That being said, I wish to start out with something incredible meaningful and important, The Breast Cancer 3 Day event here in Seattle.

I got involved with the 3 Day by getting back someone important in my life. Wendy and I found each other again after nearly 15 years apart. Our relationship goes back an additional 9 years or so to middle school. How we found each other is another story that I will get into with a later post.

Wendy’s best friend Wendy (no this is not a typo, just confusing) was diagnosed with breast cancer nearly five years ago. They walked the 3 Day four years ago and then joined the Food Service crew for the last two years.

I have not had anybody in my life go through anything like this. My Mother-in-law died of Lung Cancer in 2005 but was fighting her battle in Illinois. My wife at the time and I didn’t have the money for both us to fly and see her so she flew alone to be with her. I watch helplessly as Betty lost her fight 2000 miles away. I say this only because as I go into this weekend’s Walk, I have no idea what to expect.

I have since learned that my Mom’s aunt (I not sure what this makes her to me officially, she has always been Aunt Ida) and a cousin are both survivors. I have two friends now that are also survivors. These are good reasons for me to be a part of the 3 Day. The fact that it is a huge part of Wendy’s life and she is now a part of my life is another reason.

But there is another reason for me to do this. I have been looking for something to add to my life for some time now. Something that is bigger than me, something that I can do that will make not only a difference in my life but affect other people as well. Some find this in religion. Others start a family. Still others throw themselves into their jobs. Call it ego or the like; I just think that I am meant to be doing more. I hope that the 3 Day is that.

I have written that I don’t know what to expect and this is true. The Wendys and David, he is the other member of the team, can prep me all they want, but until I get there I can never truly know. That is why I wanted to write this before Thursday, to get my unbiased thoughts down without the benefit of knowing anything prior.

So, what will I be doing at the 3 Day? Well the girls and David are on the Food Service Crew. But more than that, they are The Seattle Breast Pirates. I got my first glimpse of that means at the Expo last June. The team volunteered to help out and everybody knew them. They were The Pirates. I was a Pirate. We were in full pirate regalia. My duds are not as elaborate, as the others have been adding to their outfits for a couple of years now.

I have a nasty goatee that I have been carefully cultivating for about three months now to be part of the pirate look. I feed it Rogan at least once a week. I hate the damn thing. I get constant crap at work about it.

I have a wardrobe manager that is sewing even as I write this. So far, my work for the 3 Day is causing other people more work.

So on Thursday, we will have our Crew meeting and I will learn what I will be doing for the 3 days. There have been talks that I will get the vegetarian line. Heavy lifting seems to be in my future too. I am wondering if there is a form of rookie hazing. I’m just happy to be part of the team.

I will however, get to be a part a very special event on Saturday. Wendy (the other one) and David will be getting married on the stage. From the planning I have seen to will go a little like this:

Feed the walkers. Go to the stage. Say vows. Kiss. Feed the walkers. Well I was never one for long ceremonies so it is cool.

I’m not sure if I’m bringing the laptop the event, weight restrictions and all. I want to get my thoughts and feeling down for this blog, so I might just have to go the caveman route and write on my tent walls and then transcribe then to the blog. We will see, so stay tuned.